Anyone who’s ever been in a long-term relationship knows that they have their ups and downs. There is a big difference between dating but living apart versus living together. When you live in separate houses, the time you spend together is chosen. Much of your daily life, however, is spent apart. 

When you move in together, the dynamic changes. You and your partner are now living your daily lives alongside each other. Sometimes, after a while, that’s all it feels like you’re doing – to people co-existing in the same house, but living separate lives – like a pair of roommates.

These are six signs that your partner has become more like a roommate rather than a love.

6 Signs You’ve Become Roommates More Than Lovers

If you’re reading this, chances are it’s because you are already thinking that something is off in your relationship. Where once you and your partner used to excite each other, things have gone stale. 

Where you used to have fun together, you now just go through the daily motions of life. You might feel as though you and your partner seem more like roommates than lovers. If you’re unsure, here are six signs that this is indeed the case.

1. Loss of Physical Intimacy

Physical affection and intimacy are crucial aspects of a healthy romantic relationship. If you find that the physical intimacy between you and your partner has decreased, it could be a sign that they view you more as a companion than a lover.

Lack of physical intimacy can be due to various reasons, such as stress, illness, or changes in lifestyle, but it can also indicate that either you or your partner has lost interest in a romantic relationship.

2. You Have Separate Lives

If you and your partner rarely spend time together or you feel like you are leading separate lives, it could signify that they view you more as a roommate than a romantic partner. It is natural to have individual interests and hobbies, but if you have no common activities or quality time together, it can create distance and a feeling of loneliness in the relationship.

You should spend more time with your partner than just saying goodbye when you both leave for work in the morning and goodnight at the end of the day.

3. Lack of Affection and Attention

Showing affection and giving attention to your partner is an essential aspect of a loving relationship. If your partner no longer shows affection, such as holding hands, hugging, or kissing, or has stopped giving you attention, it could signify that they see you more like a roommate than a romantic partner. This can result in feelings of rejection and loneliness.

4. You Don’t Share Your Emotions

Sharing your emotions with your partner and having them reciprocate is vital for a healthy relationship. If you or your partner have stopped sharing your emotions or experiences, it could be an indicator that you view each other more like roommates than romantic partners. The same goes for if you feel nervous to talk to your partner about how you’re feeling. Sharing your feelings can provide you with mutual support, empathy, and help build a stronger emotional connection.

5. Lack of Passion

Passion in a relationship can be expressed both physically and emotionally. If you feel like your partner has lost passion for you or the relationship, it may mean they see you more like a companion than a lover. This lack of passion can lead to a decrease in sexual activity, or sexual intimacy that feels routine and monotonous.

6. You Don’t Communicate Anymore

Communication is key to a healthy relationship, and how partners communicate with each other can indicate the nature and depth of the relationship. Perhaps you or your partner have stopped communicating as lovers do, such as sharing dreams and aspirations, making future plans together, or expressing love and affection. No more deep conversations or dreaming about your lives together is a strong indication that something is off.

What Can you do about it?

The first step is to be honest with yourself and your partner. If you suspect that your relationship has become more like a friendship than a romance, it may be time for both of you to have an open and honest discussion about what you want out of the relationship.

It’s also important to remember that communication is key in any healthy relationship, so make sure that when you do talk about these issues, both parties feel heard and understood. From there, you can make a plan of action towards what you both need in order to re-ignite your romance. Maybe it’s scheduling regular date nights.

Perhaps learning why one or both of you have lost their desire to be intimate with each other. Therapy, both individual and for couples, can also go a very long way here.

Once you’ve identified what needs to change in order for your relationship to be healthier, it’s important to take action. This means setting aside time for yourself and your partner to work through these issues together, whether that means going to therapy or simply talking about things when they come up.

It also means being open and honest about how you feel about the relationship overall. From here, you can decide whether or not the relationship is worth continuing or if you should both move on without one another. Remember, it needs to be equal effort and desire from both sides to make a relationship work.

The Bottom Line

Relationships require effort, communication, and mutual commitment to balance companionship and romantic love. If you notice any of these signs in your relationship, it may be time to address them with your partner and work together to reignite the romantic spark.

By being honest and open about your feelings and needs, you can take steps towards rebuilding your relationship and strengthening your bond as lovers.